Never thought I’d see the day when I didn’t have any credible interesting information to write about in a blog post. Alas, that day seems to have come…………… So instead of sitting here in awkward silence for five minutes, let’s make some exciting stuff up, shall we?
Thursday 12th May – Suspicions were raised that it was going to be an interesting week when a routine check of my attic inventory revealed a tiny goblin who had apparently moved in during my time away. In return for one more night’s accommodation, he offered me a present. Always eager to avoid rudeness, I gladly accepted the offer, making the subsequent mistake of forgetting to check what exactly the white and powdery substance was before I took it.
Friday 13th May – A hiking trip up the Himalayas takes a turn for the worse when the leader of my merry group of five Samurai warriors slips on some ice and tumbles into a cave before being blocked off by the avalanche that was the result of his unfortunate clumsiness. I laugh, until I realise that their leader was, in fact, me. A lesson on how not to spend your spare time when the 13th happens to fall on a Friday.
Monday 16th May – After an uncomfortable weekend spent playing board games (among other activities that would scar any man for life) with the fortunately friendly Yeti whose house I had unwittingly tumbled into a few days earlier, I finally manage to pull myself away from the lovely handsome well-toned athletic masculine creature as I walk out the front door towards civilisation.
Tuesday 17th May – Civilisation has changed somewhat during my weekend away. Humans have now grown extra heads, which is apparently the result of a new type of radiation created when a certain avalanche in the Himalayas revealed the lair of a deadly alien that awards second heads in return for your genitals. Finding the new way of life somewhat disconcerting (not least for the fact that everyone seems to be enjoying it a little too much), I decide to make my way back to Johnny’s lair. At least he knew ways to make me happy.
Thursday 19th May – With the help of a new business venture, Johnny and I can now afford internet, hence how I am now able to update you on my activities. I like it up here. The weather may have caused my feet to fall off due to severe frostbite and the altitude sickness may be a pain, but at least Johnny lets me live, albeit with daily experimentation on the one part of my body the aliens want. Apparently he’s trying to find a cure, although I keep telling him that while I understand his rash gets uncomfortable, I’m pretty sure we’ve got bigger problems.