“A wonderful end to the absolute best week of my life, in which a lot of wonderful things have happened, to leave me happier than I’ve ever been. A wonderful start to what I know will be the most wonderful few months, in which I have no doubt I will get the highest degree mark ever awarded to any person in the history of this and all other universes. Everyone who has ever doubted or questioned me will admit their mistake and all who have hurt me will realise their terrible guilt, begging for the forgiveness I will consider giving. I will become the eternal hero for all of humanity: women will love me and men will want to be me. Never again will I leave anyone’s thoughts for even a second…… There’s no chance of this being my Annus mirabilis.”
I do of course mean the total opposite of everything I’ve just said. Funny that, isn’t it. How you never would have realised it if I hadn’t told you. Woops, there’s more right there.
I know I’m not out of the woods yet. At some point I will have to face up to those meaningless assessments. Not meaningless if you’re doing a proper degree like medicine, or law, or anything to do with the animal kingdom, but pretty meaningless if you’re doing…. Wait. I mustn’t offend people. Not even myself. (It’s the first resolution).
Here is an example of the kind of complete rubbish you have to put up with at university, and I quote:
“Use ellipses to indicate that you have left out material from a quotation. Type three full stops, with a space before and after each full stop, if the omitted words are within a sentence. Type four full stops to indicate omitted material between two sentences (a full stop for the sentence, followed by three spaced full stops. . . .)”
These are the rules by which you must live if you wish to pass a degree. You don’t need to be intelligent (I think they’ve pretty much nullified that possibility right there) and you don’t even need to be literate, based on some writings I’ve glanced over. Hell, even the guys writing the text books barely know how to string two sentences together, let alone having the ability to lead smoothly into the next paragraph.
But “this is just all hearsay”, as one of my housemates would occasionally utter. What exactly do I know for sure? I haven’t read all the books; I fell one short when I tried to do it between the hours 4-6pm yesterday. Unfortunately I can’t spare that sort of time again. I’m too busy doing harder things, like breathing. Opening my eyes in the morning. Existing. So don’t quote me on it, mainly because I’ll end up getting in more trouble.
Enough of the sarcasm. On a more serious note, I honestly have a desire to learn more, always, and the degree has been good for this, if only for the encouragement to learn independently, without having to be told to do so. I do praise them for that. Not sure if it’s worth £18,000 and three years of my life, but hey, what else would I have been doing during that time, besides travelling the world, getting a well paid journalistic or acting job based on the strength of one audition and the luck of the draw in terms of what or who you’re doing it for, and learning ten different languages.
…..I just failed that first resolution, didn’t I.