I’m a morale worker, you know. When it ain’t good, I ain’t workin’.  This is why my output has been rather light recently, in terms of my website, in terms of uni work, everything.

Best way to beat a problem is to first admit to it, right.  This is my admission.  I’m not lazy.  I’ve just lost my confidence.

This time last year, I remember, I was full of it.  Talking about how 2010 would be a ‘big year’.  The ideas were still fresh in my head then.  I had been writing them down over time, the bones, and there they are, ready to go, ready to come together and form some sort of coherent body of creative work.

Only those bones are still there.  They have no flesh.  No spine on which to lean and be held together like a nanny nursing little children.  These little children of mine have been neglected.  The more I think like that, worse it gets.  Like a spiral, or a whirlpool.  On that subject, check out Uzumaki!

But anyway, there’s something Stephen King said in his book, On Writing, that struck a chord with me because I knew it was true.  He said if you have an idea for a book and you start writing, you have to keep writing that book almost every day until it’s done.  Well, until the first draft is done.  Otherwise you start to lose the feel for the characters, the story, everything.  Now, that’s not what I’ve been doing.  I’ve neglected the best of my ideas.  The kind of things that invaded my brain without warning one random day, like that Potter guy did with that poor Rowling girl.  I look at that situation and I think, I had that kind of potential.

….Is it still there?  I don’t know.  I don’t remember that much about the old-school wrestling days but one thing I do remember is J.R. talking about how he’s got potential, but potential doesn’t buy the groceries, King.  You can’t live on potential.  Or maybe that’s just one of the generic recorded lines of commentary from a SmackDown game.  Regardless, the old man has a point.

Truth is, I’m doubting the one thing I’ve always been able to rely on; my writing ability, my creativity, because I took it all for granted.  I feel a little like Stuart Baggs must’ve done once he heard the fatal words basically….You’re full of shit coming from Lord Sugar‘s mouth.  All talk, no substance?  I don’t want to be that guy.  Not anymore.

I’ll admit I’m quite sensitive.  Criticism is a good way to hurt me.  Praise is a good way to make me big-headed.  It’s qualities like these that don’t go too well with the operation I’m trying to run here.

I think too much.  This is proof of that.

Time for me to try and remedy this situation.  I need your patience, and understanding.  I know my website doesn’t look too impressive right now, trust me I know that, but it needs to grow, and for that it needs nourishment.  It needs support, not just from me.  You want pictures with the words?  Wait until I publish a magazine.  Or if you’re patient, I might just throw a few surprises your way…


One thought on “Morality.

  1. A morale worker ? You have to work regardless of how you feel thats how I see it, make yourself enthusiastic about your work and devote time for it, never do nothing because doing nothing is rubbish. The imagination is something to be cherished, don’t let your individuality be compromised. If I feel unable to write or stressed I relax by doing yoga or meditation. I think imagination is the most important thing as Wallace Stevens says its what gives people their own individual expressions and idiosyncrasies.

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